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Just keep calm. Pretend nothing is happening

June 6, 2013

Earlier today I was at the Waves coffee shop, on Spruce, and West Broadway. At one point I fetched some napkins. Walked back to my comfy armchair, I blew my nose, and knew immediately I had a problem. First I will digress, and point out how blowing my nose  can generally be a problem — I have been actually banned, sort of, from doing it in the Seven-Eleven at Oak and Broadway:

“You cannot cough sir.”
“I wasn’t coughing, I was blowing my nose.”
“You mustn’t do that, sir. Customers complain.”
“It is bad for our business.”

So, I’m sensitive. I try to be quiet-er. This, was a different problem. By the time I made it back to my seat, I had a full-on nose bleed. Well, I’m sure you know how it is, you don’t want to alarm anyone, or cause a scene. You might do what I did — act like nothing out of the ordinary is happening. Like, if you were in a public place, and one of your limbs just fell off, without warning, just fell off. You might naturally just try to tough it out; rearrange your remaining limbs so nothing looked out of the ordinary, drink your coffee, finish answering your email, hoping, in the meantime that the limb might — well — grow back.

Another fine dark mocha. Bloody good coffee they serve at Waves, I must say! Click on the image to see a larger version.

So I was sitting, nonchalantly as possible, with my head tilted all the way back, making quiet gurgling noises. Despite, or because of, my efforts to be unobtrusive, I imagined, everyone else in the Waves was watching me like a hawk, and sneaking glances at the exit in case they had to run for it, if the homeless guy, who was obviously on drugs, ran amuck — “When they have their head tilted back like that, means they’re having a dope attack. I read it. That’s the death gurgle, he’s making.”

The crisis passed. I had a delicious dark mocha to wash away the taste of blood. We all pretended nothing had happened, and finished answering our email.

From → Personal

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