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The wonderful world of aardvark ownership

August 14, 2014
aardvark-cozy

The V&S Aardvark Cozy in African blue basil (varco-42).

Thank you for buying your authentic African aardvark from ’Varks & Sharks, the pet store that sucks and bites.

V&S sells only the healthiest young specimens. Every one of our aardvarks is certified 100 percent free of illness and personality problems.

With proper care you may expect to enjoy the companionship of your V&S aardvark for up to 20 years. Even with improper care it should be good for a decade.

Your aardvark has a nose for news...oh ants! -- Beverly Joubert/public domain

Your aardvark has a nose for news…of ants and termites! — Beverly Joubert/public domain

Every aardvark sold by V&S comes with*:

  • A box of actual Dirt from Africa.
  • A pail of starter ants.
  • A packet of Mites ‘n’ Bites trail mix.
  • Nail clippers.
  • A V&S Aardvark Cozy (pictured at top).

The patented 100 percent sun-blocking V&S Aardvark Cozy will allow your nocturnal burrowing buddy to get a good day’s sleep in his or her new above-ground, First World digs. Now available in plaid!

We know you’ll love your new aardvark (like no other animal on earth!™) and remember, Varks & Sharks is the one-stop choice for ALL your Orycteropodidae needs.

*Please note: If you previously purchased an aardvark that came with V&S’s patented Aardvark Carpet Attachment you may be entitled to participate in a class action lawsuit.

 Ask us about our two-for-one special on banded cat sharks!

From → Fairview

2 Comments
  1. Aurelian permalink

    “I wish to lodge a complaint.”
    “What’s wrong?”
    “I bought this aardvark not one hour ago from this ‘ere shop, and now it’s dead.”
    “Oh yes, the Norwegian Blue. Lovely fur.”
    “That may be so, but he’s now dead.”
    “No, he’s not dead. He’s…he’s depressed. He’s pining for the fjords.”
    …etc

    • If you check your sales receipt — on the back, in the tiny type — you will see that our return policy clearly states that in order to qualify for a refund, “aardvarks must be returned in the original sale condition”. Clearly sir, that is not now the case.

      However an exchange is not out of the question. I do happen to have an aardvark I could let you have. Only slightly used…

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