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Facing another Big Breakfast, I had to smile

May 15, 2015

No, blondie didn’t cut himself shaving. That was me — sorry!

This morning I began cutting into one of the two eggs that came with my breakfast and I swear that it looked back at me in shock.

It’s my own fault for specifying round rather than folded eggs when I order a Big Breakfast at McDonald’s.

It’s only the really fresh eggs that look funny

Normally a McDonald’s Big Breakfast comes with one sliced and toasted English muffin, one round pork sausage patty (grilled-from-frozen), one hash brown patty (deep-fried-from-frozen) and scrambled eggs (grilled from liquid egg).

The liquid egg solution is composed of pasteurized whole eggs, along with sodium acid pyroposphate, citric acid and monosodium phosphate (all for colouring) and Nisin a natural antibacterial (used as a preservative).

Many McDonald’s breakfast sandwiches include a folded egg, which is a pre-formed and pre-cooked preparation of liquid egg.

Egg McMuffins are special in that they are made with fresh eggs sourced from local B.C. farms. The eggs are cracked into a special egg ring so that they cook as round, wobbly pucks of uniform shape and size.

In any McDonald’s breakfast offering that uses liquid or folded eggs (except perhaps the burrito) the customer can request that fresh round eggs are used instead.

It’s only because I order my Big Breakfast, “sub round egg”, that I even run the risk of it ever making a face at me and I do it because I just can’t face the thought of liquid eggs first thing in the morning and because I can actually taste the difference a fresh egg makes.

You’ll notice that my breakfast wasn’t smiling though

Years of drug consumption have taken their toll on one of my street friends. She is fiercely adamant that all McDonald’s menu boards used to include a line to the effect that smiles were free.

That’s just crazy talk! The McDonald’s restaurant that I patronize in the 1400 block of West Broadway Avenue certainly doesn’t offer free smiles on the menu. This franchise location actually charges 25 cents for a cup of water and if they charge for water, there’s no way they’d give smiles away for free.

I mean, water is just a raw commodity, whereas smiles are a value-added product!

Mind you, the staff in the McDonald’s store I’m referring to are quick to say that they are really only charging for the paper cup and they are almost exclusively levying the charge on people who present as homeless, particularly South Granville’s heroin-addicted panhandlers, who drink a lot of water because (I have been told and read) their addiction tends to dehydrate them and give them a dry mouth.

Paradoxically, these panhandlers themselves actually give out a very large number of free smiles. Go figure. Click the image to enlarge it.

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